One Heck Of A Vacation
by greengirl82
Summary: What happens when a vacation turns out to be anything but a vacation? Seven shot. Complete.
1. At The Cabin

**One Heck Of A Vacation**

Disclaimer: CBS and their affiliates own Criminal Minds...

Summary: What happens when a vacation turns out to be anything but a vacation...

A/N: I absolutely loved all my vacation stories, but you all know me I needed to fix them up and re-post them as a multi chapter series of oneshot.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

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><p>"None of us knows the what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives." Kathleen Norris<p>

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><p>Emily sighed looking out the window as she watched the snow fall even harder on the ground. She felt the presence behind her before she even looked up.<p>

"I'm sorry, Emily" Dave softly whispered, taking the window seat beside her, "I know how much you wanted to go on that hike up the mountain."

Suppressing another sigh she turned around, shrugging her shoulders, "Eh, I guess it's not a big deal."

Patting her lightly on the shoulder, "Well look at it this way, we're here on this wonderful vacation, in a beautiful lodge, all the room service we want and..."

"And what?" Emily asked watching his face light up, "What?"

"No active cases to call us back home" he told her watching her spirits perk up a little "Just a good old fashion, worry free, vacation."

"There is that whole thing with the kids though," Emily asked, "Did JJ, Will and Hotch find an au pair yet?"

Dave shook his head, "Hotch turned down the last three because they, and I quote 'looked unsavory'."

"Unsavory?" she frowned at that, "How?"

Dave tilted his head to the side, "JJ wants your input there's another two batch coming in."

Relenting, the older man helped pull her out of the seat, two marched through the lodge into the large living room.

It really didn't surprise Emily that Dave would have booked all of them in one of the best lodges in the country, after all he was Dave Rossi. If he wanted the best, he booked the best.

And he apparently wanted them all to have a Dave Rossi experience.

"Oh my God" Dave murmured when he and Emily walked into the room, watching a young nineteen year old rush past them crying.

"Next" Hotch muttered, nodding to Dave and Emily who joined them on the couch.

"Why was she crying?" Emily asked sitting beside her blonde friend.

"Why do you think?" JJ asked nodding in the dark haired man's direction, "He felt she shouldn't be allowed to drive not with three tickets."

"Three tickets?" the brunette repeated.

"One for speeding, one for a busted taillight and the other for parking in a tow away zone" Hotch said, clicking on his Tablet then looked up to see three annoyed agents staring back at him, "What?"

"She was a kid, Aaron" Dave told his friend, raising his eyebrow at the younger man's unfazed demeanor.

"Well I don't want some teenager who likes speeding with a broken taillight to park in a tow away zone while my son's in the car" Hotch said unsympathetically, "Call me crazy but I thought you two would feel the same."

Hoping to deflect this conversation she looked over at the list, "Who's next?"

"Sydney Collins" Hotch read, "Twenty three, junior year in college. She's study to be a phlebotomist and works part time in a used book store on her college campus."

"That sounds promising" Emily offered watching Hotch reach for his cell phone.

"Garcia," Hotch said watching Dave groan at that, "Sydney Collins, twenty three, college student at LIU."

The two women went over the application while Hotch made notes, "Thanks."

"So does she past the background check?" JJ asked.

"We need a chat with Miss Collins" Hotch replied getting up, and wandering to a small seating area in the back, "Sydney Collins?"

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><p>A pretty tanned young woman, with honey blonde hair walked over with a bright smile to the older man, "That's me."<p>

"Take a seat" Hotch replied sitting back down next to Dave, "So do you have any experience with children, Miss Collins?"

Sydney smiled, "Yes, I've babysat for my younger brother and sisters all during high school. I'm certified in CPR, and know how to handle crisis with first aid treatment."

"That's great" Dave replied, looking relieved.

"And you're currently in college?" JJ asked.

"Yes, I'm studying to be a phlebotomist" Sydney replied, "I wanted to try something different and that seems the best line for me."

"And what about this restraining order that was issued last year?" Hotch asked shocking the three and the woman.

"Excuse me?" Sydney asked.

"Restraining order?" Hotch repeated, "There's a restraining order on you by a Courtney Marris?"

The woman nervously played with her fingers, "Well that's uh..." taking a deep breath, "That was a misunderstanding."

"How so?" Hotch asked, noticing the discomfort on the young woman's face, "If we're going to hire you we need to know why there is something as serious as this on you."

"I had an incident with Courtney" Sydney said softly, "She accused me of... well, you see it was like this. I wrote a piece for my Lit class, she turned in hers around the same time, and well we were accused of plagiarism."

"And that warranted a restraining order?" JJ asked.

"No" the younger blonde shook her head, "But then she told the Professor that I... that I did it and I almost got expelled. And well I totaled her car."

"Totaled?" Emily asked.

"I kind of used my Lacrosse stick and redecorated her back window" Sydney said, seeing the stunned faces of the agents "It was an honest mistake, I swear I'm not a bad woman. I would never ever endanger a child. I swear it. If you hire me, I will treat your children with the utmost care."

"Well" JJ said finding her voice, "We've got your contact information, have a good day."

Sydney nodded grabbing her bag, hurrying out of the living room.

"Was that necessary?" Dave asked his friend, "It's an interview not an interrogation."

"She's has a restraining order on her" Hotch reminded the group, "Imagine if she runs into that girl and she ends up arrested, huh? What if she has the kids with her? That's not a chance I'm willing to take."

"Next" Emily called out, watching a thirty year old woman with dark red hair walk over with a grin across her.

Hotch looked down at the papers, "Well who do you think would be a suitable candidate?"

Dave grinned, "Now I have no problem with big red, but then again I don't have any kids, so I'm leaning towards her."

Garcia raised an eyebrow at him, "Now why doesn't that surprise me?"

Emily chuckled lightly, "Because he's Dave Rossi, the man is a natural horn dog."

"Hey" Dave protested watching the others chuckled, "I'm not that bad, it's not like I'm Morgan."

"What?" the athletic profiler said, walking over to the small group with Reid, "Derek Morgan loves the ladies."

"Huh" JJ scoffed, shaking her head as she went back over the list, "Ok, Valerie Meyers out."

Morgan peered over her shoulder, "Why are you crossing the hot red head off?"

The three women rolled their eyes, "Please, my Hunk of Man Candy don't make me smack you."

"What?" Morgan asked, looking at them only to shrug then sat down on the ottoman, "So who are you going to pick? Keep in mine they just have to watch the kids for a couple of hours while we go out skiing, snowboarding and..."

"Calm down" JJ told him, "There's a process to this, it has to be someone reliable and trustworthy."

"Preferably one without a criminal record or a restraining order out on them" Hotch added, sighing, "And unfortunately I don't trust anyone on this list."

"There were a few good candidates in there" Dave commented, "And I'm not talking about the Bridget Bardot lookalike."

Garcia snorted, "Right."

"I did like that Mrs. Brooks" Emily told the two women, "She seemed sweet."

"And grandmotherly" JJ added, "She could handle the boys."

Hotch raised an eyebrow to that, "What?"

Dave shook his head, "The woman was practically ninety years old. One trip to the ice skating rink and she'll be asleep before they've laced up their skates."

"She's a board certified nanny" Emily told them, "I think she knows what she's doing."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" Morgan said, "But Princess, maybe it'd be better if they got someone who wasn't alive when the first World War was going on."

JJ shook her head, "There's nothing wrong with Mrs. Brooks" the blonde said, "Besides she comes highly recommended by the staff here."

"Maybe for an older child, but not for two hyperactive children" Hotch told the three women.

"Please it's not like they're going to tie her to a tree or anything" Garcia replied, "There are plenty of indoor activities that Jack and Henry could do with Mrs. Brooks."

"No" Hotch replied, "There is no way I'm going to subject an elderly woman to two young boys. There's got to be another person in here..."

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><p>While going through the applications, Emily felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around, noticing a young concierge standing there.<p>

"Yes?" Emily asked, watching the young man shift nervously.

"I don't want to disturb your meeting but there's another applicant that filed for the nanny position" the young man informed the brunette passing along the slip of paper, "She doesn't have a formal application or resume, but she was highly recommended by another family."

"Thank you" Emily nodded, turning back to the team, "We've got another candidate."

"Really?" Hotch asked, hopeful not liking the applicants that they just interviewed, "Tell us about them?"

"Looking at this, she's an older woman in her late fifties" Emily said, "She's raised three children of her own and just recently became a child care giver."

"Sounds promising" Garcia said, "I mean had children of her own so she's got first hand experience."

"Go on" Hotch asked, watching her frown, "What is it?"

"Well there's not much on here, but she had a real career before switching to this career path" Emily said, looking over at the concierge "What can you tell us about her?"

"All that I can tell you is that for the past few months she's been residing her as a guest when one day she saved a young boy from drowning in the lake" the man told the team.

Garcia gasped, "Oh my... well what happened then?"

"The boy and her grew attached to one another and the parents were so grateful and well she ended up being the au pair here since" the concierge informed them, "Every family that's hired has been pleased. She has a warm presence with the children but also has a firm hand so they'll behave."

Hotch looked impressed, "Can we meet her?" looking over at JJ who nodded in agreement.

"She's right in the office, let me go get her" the man said, hurrying off.

"Well this sounds promising" Dave commented, "We find the right sitter and we'll be coasting through our vacation easily."

"And that means it off to hot oil massages girls" Garcia added, "And hunky masseuses."

"That was something I could live without" Morgan replied, "Just think of all the fun we have while the little ones are off with Mary Poppins."

"I hardly call myself that," the older female voice called out making the BAU team tense as they look up to see her.

This was something that none of them had ever expected to see.

"Chief Strauss" Hotch croaked out, "What are you..."

"I hear you interested in my services as a nanny" Strauss said with a grin, "I think I'd like to accept the position if it's still opened."

Even Dave, the king of cool, was stunned by that and his head turned to the two parents who were too stunned to speak.

"How about we do a test run?" Emily offered, "A little meet and greet with the boys over hot chocolate and see how it goes from there?"

"That'd be splendid" Strauss smiled, watching the shocked faces of her former team try and process this.

Sitting back in the arm chair, Dave watched in glee while Hotch and JJ kept their eyes on the two boys like hawks.

It was so much as fear that the former Section Chief would devour the children, but more along the lines of whether their two parents would be able to finally find their voice.

And he wondered if this was even a good idea to begin with. After all everyone on this team had history with Strauss, and not all of it would be characterized as good history.

"That's mine" Henry called out wrenching the toy car from the older boy, "Give it here."

"Uh uh" Jack called out, "Emmy got these for me, Henry."

Hotch, Emily and JJ were just about to intervene with they watched their former boss lean down and softly say, "Boys, is that any way to behave?"

The small children looked up at the older woman about to protest when she said, "Share the cars or neither of you can play with them."

"My mommy will let me play with them if I want too" Henry replied back.

"Will she?" Strauss said, "Does your mom like you fighting with other boys? Does your father like that, Jack?"

Both boys shook their heads, "Then I think your parents will have no issues with removing the cause of conflict."

"Huh?" Jack asked.

The older woman extended her hand, "Share or pass over the toys."

Emily leaned over to Dave, "She's like a freaking miracle worker."

"Who knew she'd be better with children then adults?" JJ added.

The team watched on in silence as their former boss was able to take control of several instances with Jack and Henry and knew that despite their own history with the woman, there was no one better handled for this job.

As Strauss stood up the women watched as Hotch took Strauss aside speaking with her and watched as the older woman shake his hand before walking away.

"Well?" Dave asked, "What did you decide?"

"She starts first thing tomorrow morning" Hotch told them, as he took a seat opposite the group, "Lets just hope this doesn't blow up in our faces."

"Ah hell, what's the worst that could happen?" Emily offered, "It's not like she can fire any of us."

Dave chuckled at that, shaking his head, "She's got you there, Aaron. Just relax."

Standing up, Emily wandered over to the bar, "Besides it's not like she's plotting to turn the kids against you in some massive throw..."

Looking up she noticed the puzzled looks on their face, "Right?" seeing the worry on their face, "What?"

Dave chuckled sharing a look with the brunette, he rolled his eyes while Hotch mentally cataloged the new fear running through his veins.

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><p>"A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected and outlast the unbearable." Billy Graham<p>

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><p><strong>To Be Continued...<strong>

I hope you all enjoyed this, don't forget to leave a review.


	2. Beach Incidents

**One Heck Of A Vacation **

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, all I own is my own mind.

Summary: The team is on vacation at Dave's beach house, when an unfortunate incident occurs. Who will step up to the plate?

A/N: Yes this is one that I posted before that was inspired by Friends. I had to clean it up for errors and decided to post it in the "Vacation" series. Enjoy again.

Thanks for reading, and once again remember to leave a review.

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><p>"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." Dalai Lama<p>

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><p>Hotch stepped out of Dave's spacious beach house, and wandered over to his friends parked out under the safe beach umbrella soaking in the warm summer day.<p>

"Hey Hotch" JJ greeted "Finally ready to soak up some sun?"

Hotch looked down at the blonde in the beach chair and shook his head, smirking when Garcia passed the suntan lotion to her.

"No" Hotch said throwing on his sunglasses "I was more interested in finding Emily and Reid."

"Really?" Morgan said removing his ear buds "Any particular reason?"

Hotch glared at the man "They went out looking for some seashells that they promised to bring Jack for his show and tell day at summer school."

"Oh" Garcia said deflated "I think they said they were going to search over by the pier."

Hotch looked up and saw Dave, over the grill starting in on the food, motion with his spatula to the left.

Hotch gave a small nod and left the lounging team.

Walking down the beach, Hotch had to admit that it was nice to get out of the office and relax.

The feel of the warm sand under his running shoes were the only thing that bothered him. He didn't mind that instead of his usual suit, he was in tan khaki shorts and white shirt.

Hotch paused when he saw Emily and Reid splashing water at each other, the image made him smile. Seeing the two so relaxed and carefree made him happy.

He saw Emily bend over about to splash water on Reid, when a loud "OW" caused him to look at the brunette doubled over in pain.

"Emily?" Reid called out rushing to her side.

Hotch raced over to her "What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Damn it!" Emily said hunched over looking at her foot "I got stung by something..."

"What?" Hotch said "What stung you?"

Both dark haired agents looked over at Reid "Statistically in the Virginia Beach area..."

Emily huffed out an annoying sigh and gasped as she felt the shooting pain of heat.

Hotch and Reid walked closer to her and Reid said, "Must be a jellyfish sting."

"Jellyfish sting?" Emily asked, panic racing through her fear driven mind.

"Best and safest method, is to get medical attention" Reid said looking over at Hotch "Are you allergic to jellyfish?"

"No" Emily said "But then I've never been stung before."

The two men move near her "Well then will need to get you immersed your sting in hot water."

"But we're too far away from Dave's" Emily whined, "And this hurts, really bad."

Reid sighed "Well that means that the venom..."

"Reid!" Hotch said cutting the younger man off "Anything else that might help us until we can get her back to Dave's?"

Reid looked down and his cheeks went pink with embarrassment "Well there is one thing..."

"What is it?" Emily said supporting her weight on Hotch, since Reid backed up away, seemingly at a distance.

"Urine" Reid muttered out "One of us will have to pee on it."

"What?" Emily asked shocked "No!"

Hotch looked at Reid "Seriously?"

Reid nodded his head not looking either of them in the eye.

"Well..." Hotch said looking from Emily to Reid "Who do you want to do it?"

"No!" Emily said protesting "I'm not letting either of you pee on me."

"Emily" Hotch groaned, frustrated "It's either this or pain."

"Gross" Emily muttered wincing at the pain in her foot.

"He's right" Reid said "There's no other option."

Emily grumbled then sighed "Fine, alright. Who's going to do it?"

Reid and Hotch exchanged looks, then looked back at her.

"Who's going to pee on me?" Emily asked then muttered "That just sounded so wrong."

Reid looked at Emily, "I can't."

"What?" Emily asked "Are you embarrassed to whip out the mini genius?"

A smirk grew across Hotch's face at her inappropriate wording but cleared his throat going back into serious mode.

Reid's eyes widened at that "I like you too much to pee on you."

Emily sighed, "Well thanks for that... I guess."

Hotch looked over at Emily,"Well, looks like I'm the lucky winner."

"Not me. God, this is so wrong" looking over at Hotch, "No, you know what? I'm totally fine. Doesn't even hurt that much..."

Emily tried to walk but was caught by Reid and she muttered "Son of a bitch."

"Don't try and argue with me, Prentiss" Hotch said "Get over here, close your eyes, so I can fix that problem."

"Jeeze" Emily sarcastically replied, trying to tempt off her scream "Try not to get all bossy on me."

Hotch gave Reid a look not to move, "Keep an eye out for people, specially cops. Last thing any of us need is to get arrested for lewd conduct and indecent exposure."

"That would be you" Emily muttered going over to Hotch.

"Now's not the time to get mouthy, considering the favor I'm doing" Hotch muttered.

"Some favor" Emily huffed out throwing Hotch a look.

Reid watched Hotch grabbed Emily's elbow leading them behind the pier beam, "Keep those eyes close."

"Like I'm interested in seeing little Hotch" Emily threw back at him.

Reid turned around trying to hum to tune out the two dark haired agents.

"Any time now" Reid said "Any time preferably soon."

"That was so gross" Emily muttered supporting herself on Hotch lightly "Reid get over here."

Reid walked over as Emily draped her arm over both men "Now, let's get back to Dave's and take this with us to the grave."

"Fine by me" Both men answered in unison.

"Oh look, here come the three musketeers" Garcia said turning her attention to the three profilers.

"What happened to you, Princess?" Morgan asked removing his head phones.

"Don't want to talk about it" Emily said glaring at the two men who helped her.

"What happened?" JJ asked looking in "You three look... flustered."

"They do look flustered" Garcia smirked at them "You three didn't go out and have a menage a trois, did you?"

"WHAT?" Hotch, Emily and Reid asked in horror.

"Never mind" Garcia muttered seeing the horror cross their face "My bad."

Dave walked over seeing the three returning agents and noticed a seriously pissed off Emily.

Looking down at her foot, Dave's eyes widened at the red sight.

"Jesus, Emily" Dave said concerned "What the hell happen to your foot?"

"Jellyfish sting" Reid said and clammed up when he saw the double glare of Emily and Hotch.

"OMG, gumdrop" Garcia said "You need to get treated."

"She'll be fine, as soon as she soaks that foot in hot water" Reid said "A lot of hot water."

"Shut up" Emily whispered to him.

"Does it hurt?" JJ asked "I heard those stings hurt like hell."

"Not so much anymore" Emily said "It got taken care of."

"Taken care of?" Morgan asked confused "The only other way other than a hospital or that scalding hot water thing, is..."

Dave's eyes widened at the knowledge, as did JJ's and Morgan's.

"What?" Garcia asked "What else works?"

"Urine" JJ whispered looking at Emily "You peed on it?"

"No" Emily protested, "I couldn't... bend that way."

"You couldn't bend..." JJ repeated than looked from Hotch to Reid "So who did?"

Dave tried to hide the smirk on his face, while Morgan seemed speechless and Garcia looked eager at the knowledge.

"So, who gave you the golden..." Garcia started but three sets of eyes gave her a warning look "I'll watch my wording..."

"Who gave you a... uh helping hand?" JJ asked.

Reid's eyes went to Hotch while Emily just closed her eyes.

"All right" Hotch said "I'll tell."

"No" Emily said "You promised."

"I really don't want to be here for this" Reid said quietly.

"We just need to get this out" Hotch said "So she got stung, and she couldn't walk, she could barely stand."

"I was in a lot of pain" Emily added emphatically.

"So..." Hotch said "We knew one of us would have to help out..."

"So who did it?" Morgan asked.

"I couldn't do it..." Reid said quietly.

Morgan, Dave, JJ and Garcia all looked over at Hotch in shock.

"You..." Garcia said.

"That's right, I did it" Hotch said unapologetic "And this will be the end of this discussion about this incident, got it?"

The team look over at Hotch who gives one of his infamous glares and everyone readily agrees.

Emily limps towards the house, slightly in pain but mostly to get away.

"Where you going, gumdrop?" Garcia asked "You alright?"

"I just really need a shower" Emily muttered "And I am far from all right."

Hotch watched as the brunette agent wandered into the beach house.

Dave wandered over to Hotch, and whispered "You know, I think given her current condition that it'll be ok to go and check on her."

"Dave..." Hotch said "She's just had the worst day of her life, I hardly think my presence will be any comfort considering what I had to do to help her."

"You helped a pretty brunette out who was in agonizing pain..." Dave said "I hardly think that warrants a death penalty."

"Dave" Hotch groaned out quietly "I had to pee on the subordinate I've had a crush on for more then five years."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Dave said "Go to her, talk to her."

Hotch got up and walked into the house, heading over to the bathroom door, he knocked.

"What?" Emily said annoyed.

"It's Hotch" Hotch answered "May I come in?"

"Why not?" Emily said.

Hotch opened the bathroom door, saw Emily sitting with her foot in the hot water while she sat at the edge of the sprawling king sized tub.

"How's the foot?" Hotch asked.

Looking into the water, Emily said "Not as bad as I thought it was. Guess that means I'll live."

Hotch walked over to the edge and sat down next to her "Sorry I had to... pee on you."

Emily burst out laughing, "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong. I should be the one apologizing for acting like a total bitch."

Shaking his head, Hotch sighed "You weren't acting like one. You were in pain and the last thing you wanted was to have to be peed on."

Rubbing her head, Emily looked over at him, "Can we just not discuss that incident. Like maybe ever again?"

Hotch looked at her, and she added "It's not like I'm not grateful, it's just... Would you really want people to know that?"

"Well I'd rather not, at least not unless they knew the whole story." Hotch said "I know it's an embarrassing story and one that we'll have to live down for maybe like the next three years. But I don't regret it, you were in pain and I'm glad I could help out."

Emily smiled "That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. But why did it have to be because you peed on me?"

Hotch laughed at the smirk she held "You got me there."

"It's good to see you smile every once in awhile" Emily said turning her attention to her foot "Well what do you say, doc? Is this foot going to live?"

Hotch chuckled "Ah, looks like it. Good thing too, because I would hate to have to lose an agent that I so invested my time and urine with."

Emily burst out laughing "Who knew you had a dirty mouth on you?"

"Me?" Hotch said in mock surprise "You're saying I have a dirty mouth? You are the queen of the dirty words."

Emily smiled "A title I proudly wear. You know it's always fun to shock someone with something unexpected. You got to every once in awhile, to liven things up."

"Really?" Hotch asked in thought "Has anyone ever done anything that shocked you?"

"Nope, it's usually me" Emily said "Of course that steady stream of pee on my foot was pretty shocking considering it came from you."

Hotch smirked at that "Well I got another shock for you."

Emily looked suspiciously "Really? What's that?"

Hotch pulled Emily into a deep kiss, placing his hand on her leg to keep the injure foot still in the hot water.

Pulling back Emily gasped, "Now that was a shocker."

"A good shock?" Hotch asked looking at her.

Emily bit her lip and nodded "Yeah, I think there's a new king in town."

Pulling her close to his chest, "The king wants to kiss the queen."

Emily chuckled at that, "Sure thing."

Hotch pulled Emily into another a deep kiss, both groaned when a knock interrupted them.

"What?" Emily groaned in frustration.

"Em?" JJ asked "You seen Hotch around?"

"I'm in here." Hotch said "What do you want?"

"Uh... never mind." JJ said.

"Whatcha doin' in there?" Garcia's voice said. "Ow, quit dragging me..."

"We'd like some alone time." Hotch said.

"JJ I want to listen..." Garcia said.

"Leave them alone..." JJ's voice said backing away from teh door "Sorry!"

"Now, where were we?" Hotch said placing his attention back on Emily "Oh yeah."

Emily pulled Hotch into a deeper kiss "Thanks for fixing my foot."

"Anytime." Hotch said pulling her close to him.

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><p>"Love is more than a noun - it's a verb; it is more than a feeling - it is caring, sharing, helping and sacrificing." William Arthur Ward<p>

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><p><strong>To Be Continue...<strong>

See that review button down there? You know who'd push it besides Garcia? JJ would too.


	3. On The Hawaiian Beach

**One Heck Of A Vacation **

Disclaimer: CBS owns all things connected to Criminal Minds...

Summary: When the team wraps up a case in Hawaii, they decide to spend a few extra days to relax, and while at the beach Morgan spots something in the water that the team doesn't believe...

A/N: A hilarious one that just begged to be edited and added to the "Vacation" series.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

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><p>Peter Benchley said, "I believe every young man in the world is fascinated with either sharks or dinosaurs."<p>

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><p>Morgan closed his eyes as he felt the hot sun reflect off the water of the ocean.<p>

"Oh I love Hawaii" Garcia said turning on her stomach to finish off her tan "I could literally stay here forever."

"Aw, Baby Girl" Morgan teased "And leave me behind?"

"For Hawaii?" Garcia said "Hell yeah."

JJ looked over at Emily who was having suntan lotion put on her back ever so tenderly by Hotch who looked more than pleased at touching her alabaster white skin.

Emily flashed her a knowing look and said, "Now why couldn't this have been the case instead of chasing down an unsub who murders tourists?"

JJ smirked as she removed the light sweater she wore to reveal her bikini top "Dave? Can you put suntan lotion on my back? I don't want to burn."

Dave smirked as he got up from his spot on the beach towel and wandered over to the beach umbrella where the women and Hotch sat.

"It would be my pleasure, I'm sure." Dave said.

"I'm sure, you're sure." Hotch muttered while massaging the lotion on Emily's back.

"Piece of cake." Emily whispered to JJ.

"Piece of pie." JJ whispered back.

"Piece of ass." Garcia threw in and laughed.

"Do you mind?" Reid said looking up from the pile of books he brought with him to the beach.

Garcia pulled her face up and grabbed one of the books from the pile on the blanket "Attacks of the Great White Shark?"

"Reid?" Emily asked "Why would you want to read about shark attacks in Hawaii?"

"Fascinating enough did you know that most sharks find humans too bony and prefer not to attack them as preferred more to seals? Also another interesting fact is..." Reid started.

"I don't want to hear it!" JJ said covering her ears.

"Enough with the morbid talk" Hotch said "Reid either enjoy the beach or read your books. Girls?"

"What?" Emily and JJ said, while Garcia put her ear buds in and played her ipod.

Hotch saw Garcia laying back down face buried in towels and Reid going back to his book, while Morgan looked out at the sea seemingly lost in thought.

"This." Hotch said leaning in kissing Emily's shoulders, turning her to face him.

"This is a hell of a vacation." Emily said pulling Hotch into a deep kiss.

"Ah, what the hell." JJ said quietly turning herself and surprising Dave with a lip lock.

"I know what they're doing" Garcia said turning her eyes to the two kissing couples "Reid? Reid?"

"Not interested." Reid said not looking up from his book.

Garcia focused her eyes on Morgan but he too seemed lost in thought, looking out at the water and leaning in to look.

"Fine." Garcia said to herself "I can have fun by myself..."

Garcia laid back down turning her music down.

Morgan's eyes widened as he finally figured out the object that had kept his focus on the sea.

"Shark!" Morgan called out "Everyone it's a shark."

Reid looked up, as Garcia's head popped up from the towels.

Morgan looked over at the two couples, seemingly distracted by their current activities.

"Hotch?" Morgan said "Dave?"

"What?" Hotch said regrettably tearing his lips away "What?"

"Shark." Morgan said pointing to the water.

"There isn't any sharks out there." Hotch said "Now either relax or go back to the hotel. The sun must of gotten to you."

Dave pulled away to, much to JJ's disappointment "Kid, calm down. Go take a dip in the water. I'm sure there aren't any sharks out there."

"What are you guys, nuts?" Morgan said turning to Reid "Tell them their are sharks in Hawaii."

"Of course there are" Reid said.

"No one's doubting that, Morgan" Emily said calmly "But how do you know you actually saw one? Do you still see it out there?"

Morgan turned back to the water, "No."

"It had to be all that talk about Reid's books." JJ said sensibly "That's probably what it was..."

Morgan shook his head, "No."

"Morgan," Dave said annoyed by the interruptions "Why don't you just sit back and try to enjoy the sun and the day?"

Getting up from his place on the beach towel, Morgan turned to the team, "I know what I saw."

The team watched Morgan walk over to the speed boats stand, talking to the man.

"You don't think he'd do something stupid like rent a boat to try and find it?" Garcia asked.

The two couples look over at each other and said, "Yes he would."

Hotch looked over at Dave, and sighed, "Come on. Before he does something stupid like get himself killed."

Groaning, Dave got up and followed Hotch to the stand.

The girls and Reid followed behind them, with the three women wrapping up themselves to make them appear more appropriately dressed.

"What are you four doing here?" Hotch said turning to the new arrivals.

"Oh no" Garcia said "If you think I'm going to sit on the sidelines while my Chocolate God..." Garcia started.

"It's better not to argue" Emily interjected "Otherwise, she'll go after you."

Sighing, Hotch and Dave relented and agreed to the women and Reid coming along.

"Now where is that stupid, stupid man?" Garcia asked peering past the stand.

"Over there!" Reid said pointing to the row of speed boats lined up.

The team raced over to the boats, just as Morgan was about to board the boat.

"Morgan!" Hotch called out.

"Don't you dare!" Garcia called out "You better not even think it."

Morgan paused and looked over at the team, "What are you all doing here?"

"Trying to stop you from doing something stupid" Emily called out.

"What?" Morgan asked.

"You will not be getting on this boat to go looking for any sharks" Hotch said authoritatively.

"You all talking about the shark sighting?" a captain called out.

"Yeah" Morgan said turning his attention to the older man.

"Yeah" the captain said getting off his boat "The man at the boat rentals should of told you that the the Coast Guards have issued a shark warning."

Hotch and Dave looked shock, while Morgan turned around to face them with a smug look.

"Told you so" Morgan said smirking.

"Well excuse us" Emily said grabbing Hotch's hand "But we were a little more distracted by something funner than shark watching."

"Hmm" Hotch said watching Morgan's face look shocked.

"Why what were you two doing?" Morgan asked.

The team laughs, Morgan said "No seriously what?"

The team walk back to their beach spot while Morgan pondered what had happened.

* * *

><p>"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." Jack Handy<p>

* * *

><p><strong>To Be Continued...<strong>

See that review thing down there? Show it a little love and tell me what you think.


	4. Backyard Vacation

**One Heck Of A Vacation **

Disclaimer: CBS owns all things Criminal Minds.

Summary: The team is on vacation at Dave's where a series of events cause an injury for one, a fire is started and the girls drooling over some hunky firemen.

A/N: This story was originally a prompt from my sister, but I needed to go through it again to clean it up and added it to the "Vacation" series.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

><p>Elbert Hubbert said, "No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one."<p>

* * *

><p>Hotch looked to the left and the right, "Hike!"<p>

Tossing the football towards Dave who caught it but then passed it to Morgan who wore a big grin on his face when he saw Reid charging at him.

"You get 'em Reid" JJ called from her position at blocking Dave.

Morgan saw the determination in his friend's eyes and ran down the sand towards the goal line when he was tackled to the sand causing him to throw the ball while crying out, "Ow!"

"Morgan?" Emily called from her position of blocking Hotch as she rushed over.

Kevin came rushing over from the grill towards the man writhing in pain on the sandy ground.

"Morgan?" JJ said as she and Garcia rushed over to the fallen man.

"What happened?" Jordan asked as she bent over to inspect Morgan.

"My ankle" Morgan said grinding his teeth in pain "I think it's sprained."

"Oh" Reid said full of remorse "I'm so sorry."

"Who knew you had it in ya?" Dave joked, lightly punching the younger man in the shoulder making him wince at the contact.

"What's that smell?" Emily asked turning around when Garcia gasped.

"Dave! Fire!" Garcia shouted, as she and Kevin rushed over to put it out.

Everyone turned around to see that the grill was on it's side, and the fire had started to spread to the mini cabana.

"Call the fire department" Hotch ordered as he, Reid, Emily and Dave all rushed for the extinguishers.

Morgan called the fire department while JJ and Jordan ran for the gardening hose.

"Got most of it out..." Emily commented as she sprayed the extinguisher over the cabana chair.

Dave watched as the girls watered down the chairs, while a firemen rolled through the back of his condo.

The male members of the team watched as the three women's jaws dropped at the sight of the four firemen came over and properly put out the small fire.

"What are they staring at?" Reid asked confused.

Emily, JJ and Garcia watch in great appreciation at the male firemen.

"Glenn?" the dark haired fireman called out "Go check on that man's foot."

A light brown haired fireman walked over to the team, "How were you injured, sir?"

"Football injury" Morgan said watching the blondes and brunettes staring intently at the young fireman.

"It was an accident" Reid said quickly "I believe when I tackled him, he had thrown the football as he fell and it hit the grill..."

"So that's what happened, sir?" Glenn asked staring at the younger man quizzically who nodded quickly.

Hotch was annoyed at the attention that Emily and the female members of his team paid to the attractive men.

Dave pulled Hotch and Reid aside while Glenn worked on Morgan's ankle.

"What is up with these firemen?" Hotch asked watching one of the men walking up to the three women.

"Yeah..." Dave said "I totally forgot one of the fire stations has a reputation for being 'hot'."

"What?" Reid asked looking over the seemingly leader of the firemen was flirting with the ladies.

"Yeah" Dave said seeing the men look at him "What?"

"Look over there" Morgan mouthed lightly nodding his head in the direction of Emily and JJ.

Dave along with Hotch and Reid saw two blonde men talking to Emily and JJ while a dark haired man was interacting with the giggling Garcia.

"You have got to be kidding me" Hotch muttered not liking the situation.

The men see the fireman Glenn finish bandaging up Morgan's ankle and heard him instructed, "You'll need to get an x-ray done to see how much of a fracture it is."

"Thanks" Morgan said watching his friends approach, turning his attention to Dave "What the hell were you thinking?"

"What?" Dave asked shocked by the outburst.

"The firemen?" Morgan said rolling his eyes "Seriously? You don't resent that?"

Dave saw Morgan nod his head in the direction of the firemen hitting on the women specifically Emily and JJ.

"Do I resent it?" Dave whispered watching the women lightly chuckle at the men "Of course not. These guys are my friends, whenever I come here I play basketball with them..."

"Does it look like any of us are buying that?" Hotch said seeing the older man's fist clench.

"Nope" Morgan and Reid answered.

Hotch saw the firemen walk over and tried to calm the nerves as he heard one of the men tell Emily, "Yeah we actually did a calender shoot for charity."

"Really?" Garcia asked not seeing the hurt look that cross Kevin's face when she added "We're going to have to look in to buying one..."

"Eh hem..." Morgan said fake clearing his throat.

"Oh" Garcia said "How are you feeling?"

"Possible fracture..." Morgan said expecting sympathy from the women who then returned their attention to the firemen.

"That's nice" JJ commented not paying attention.

"Well, we'd hate to have to hold you up" Hotch said interjecting himself between Emily and the head fireman.

"Oh?" the fireman said "Oh yeah we better get going..."

"So soon?" Emily asked seeing all the men nodding "Shoot."

Hotch felt relief when he saw the firemen leave, and the three women turn back to the men and see the simultaneous glares in their eyes, even Reid's.

"What?" Emily asked.

"Drool much, girls?" Morgan asked watching Garcia grin.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Garcia said "I don't drool over guys."

"Yeah right" Kevin muttered.

"What was that, cupcake?" Garcia said threateningly.

Kevin gulped "Nothing."

"No" Dave said "Hold your ground Kevin."

Turning the attention to the two older women, Hotch and Dave looked at them.

"What?" Emily asked "What are you gawking at?"

"So... you two have a thing for firemen?" Hotch asked.

"Well have you seen them?" JJ muttered ignoring the eyes of inquisitive men.

"Well..." Emily said "Can you blame us? I mean did you see them? Were they firemen or models?"

Hotch rolled his eyes "So that's what you're into? Eye candy?"

"They're cute to look at but no one wants to date them..." Emily said "I mean do you actually think we'd be that interested in them?"

Hotch went to open his mouth, but Emily cut him off "Don't answer that..."

"You know it would of hurt a little less, if you weren't undressing them with your eyes" Dave said focusing on JJ.

"Aw, come on" Garcia said giving each man a hard look, "It's not like you guys don't do this..."

"That's just not true" Morgan said looking his fellow men.

"Really?" JJ said with a raised eyebrow, turning to Emily, "When was it that they were ogling the hostess?"

"That would be this afternoon during lunch time" Emily said faking shock "Boys..."

"Hey" Hotch said standing up for the men "This isn't about us, it's about you..."

"You really want to go this route?" Emily said taking the lead for the women "Because you know I always win..."

Kevin and Reid exchanged looks and decided to be the peace brokers so the rest of their vacation didn't end up in a fight between the men and the women.

"All right, all right" Reid said coming between the couple "Calm down..."

"Reid..." Hotch said.

"You two both now that the other would never ever go..." Reid started out.

Hotch and Emily exchanged a look both rolling their eyes.

"Ok, ok" Emily huffed out "Fine. You win."

Reid smirked when he shot Hotch a look who caved in too.

"Smart ass, kid" Emily muttered as she headed for the house followed by Hotch.

"Never again..." Hotch muttered to her.

"What drool over hunks?" Emily asked.

"I was going to say, bring Reid along on a vacation" Hotch said "But yours is included too."

"Don't start" Emily told him, as he leaned down looking her in the eye.

"Or what?" Hotch asked.

"This" Emily pulled Hotch into a deep kiss.

Pulling back, Hotch smirked as she said, "Well?"

"Oh, I'll definitely start..." Hotch said pulling her towards their room.

* * *

><p>"A good vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in." Robert Orben<p>

* * *

><p><strong>To Be Continued... <strong>

Remember to leave a review.


	5. A Wicked Vacation

**One Heck Of A Vacation**

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds... I also don't own the song 'Wicked Games', Chris Isaak does.

Summary: While the team celebrates JJ and Will's engagement at Dave's cabin but Garcia lets something slip about Hotch and Emily...

A/N: Here's another one that was re-tweaked and added to the one-shot series. Enjoy.

Thanks for reading, I do hope that you leave a review...

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><p>"Don't waste time learning 'tricks of the trade'. Instead learn the trade." Author Unknown<p>

* * *

><p>Emily sat down at the dinner table, looking over at Garcia who was enclosed in a small group with Kevin, Morgan and a very distraught looking Reid.<p>

"What's going over there?" Hotch asked taking an empty seat next to Emily, "What's with their small grouping?"

"I have no clue" Emily answered turning in the chair to face Hotch, "But I do know that this was a smart idea of Dave's to invite the team up here for the weekend to celebrate JJ and Will's engagement."

Hotch rolled his eyes, "Well I kind of thought, when Dave said going camping, I thought he meant setting up a tent or some small cabin. I wasn't expecting something as big as a lodge but styled like a mansion."

"You know me, Aaron" Dave said walking over as he set down the grilled chicken on the table, "Never expect the expected."

"Wow, Dave" JJ said as she pulled her napkin onto her lap, "This looks amazing."

Dave beamed, "Glad you liked it. Now, how about a toast? Anyone?"

Reid was about to open his mouth when Garcia playfully shoved the younger man back down and stood up herself.

Garcia tapped her wine glass, "Oh me first, me first."

"Why do you get to go first?" Reid asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because I am a lady" Garcia said rolling her eyes.

Morgan snorted while Hotch and Emily bit the inside of their cheeks to keep from laughing.

JJ chuckled as she looked over at Will, who shook his in amusement.

"Eh hem" Garcia said, clearing her throat to get everyone to look at her, "Good. Will, you make JJ smile and with what she and the team see everyday that's a rare treat. I remember the day that I first heard about you. The team had just came back from that case of yours and when she walked into the bullpen she had this great big smile on her pretty face."

"Garcia" JJ said embarrassed, not looking at the faces of her team.

"Oh hush" Garcia said, "Any-who, she tried to deny it but me being the fabulously awesome chick that I am, wormed it out of her. Imagine my surprise just under a year later when she finally cops to it. She thought she was so smooth and boy was she stunned when she learned that we all already knew it. That you were the one that made JJ's day a lot brighter. And you my good man, are an important part of this family for that. But I, the fountain of all knowledge, will always know everything first."

Will smiled at his fiancée's friend shaking his head, leaning in to kiss JJ, "Thank you, Garcia."

"Nice speech, PG" Emily said raising a glass to the technical analysis, "You forgot the part though where you were angry that you missed the police station kiss."

Garcia raised an eyebrow, "Don't remind me...

"And how upset you were when you were the last to find out about JJ being pregnant from the New York case" Hotch added.

Garcia narrowed her eyes, "And how would everyone like to know that the two of you are together?"

Hotch and Emily's jaws dropped, while Dave snorted at that.

JJ raised an eyebrow as she looked over at the non-shocked faces of her team, "Uh Garcia, we already knew that."

"You did?" Garcia said looking around at the table, "Well how come nobody told me?"

"Because you, baby girl, are the Queen of eavesdropping. We thought you'd have figured that out by now" Morgan said, "Frankly I'm kind of embarrassed that you hadn't yet."

Sitting down next to Kevin, she grumbled her revenge on the team.

"Anyone else?" Dave said chuckling lightly, "Care to add anything?"

"Well, this is hardly the time" Hotch said, "Since this is JJ and Will's party, but I guess we... Emily and I, would like to out ourselves to you."

"But since someone else beat us to the punch" Emily added looking at Garcia, "We'll just tell you we're moving into together."

"That's great" Kevin said then winced when he felt a jab to the rib, "Great."

"Everyone make yourselves comfortable" Dave said, "Mi casa is su casa."

"Awesome, so does that include that big screen tv?" Morgan joked, but snapped his mouth shut when Dave looked at him.

* * *

><p>"Can you believe them?" Garcia said pacing around the room she shared at Dave's with Kevin, "I mean it's one thing to not tell the team, but it's another to purposely not tell me. That's just down right wrong."<p>

"Penelope..." Kevin said, "Maybe it had nothing to do with keeping it from you... Maybe it was about Emily and Hotch."

Garcia paused her steps, "Oh hooey what do you know? I knew these two for years and for them to not tell me, it's... it's just wrong."

"You know maybe this was a good thing" Kevin said seeing her sit down on the bed, "Maybe you shouldn't be so focused in on their lives, I mean it's like a soap opera in the BAU."

Garcia turned back around to look at him, "But it's my job. It's always been my job to know everything. After all I am the Oracle of All Knowledge."

"Penelope," Kevin said, "It's one thing to know stuff related to a case but these are their private lives..."

Garcia shook her head, "For years it's always been how much sugar Reid takes in his coffee, how many numbers my mocha milkshake can get in a night, what city Dave will be stopping in for his latest book, or how lately how much sex the boss man and Gumdrop have had and how they can't get enough of it."

Kevin's jaw dropped in shock as he looked at her only muttering, "Now that was something I really didn't need to know."

Garcia rolled her eyes, "What?"

"How about instead of focusing on their own love lives we focus on our own?" Kevin suggested to his girlfriend.

"Well I guess it would be good to think about ourselves" Garcia started but paused when she could hear music coming from the next room.

"What is it?" Kevin asked hearing the tune of music but not recognizing the song.

"I think it's Chris Isaak's Wicked Games" Garcia said listening to the music, then looked over at Kevin, "Whose room is this?"

Kevin frowned, as he tried to remember, "I think that's JJ and Will's room."

Garcia grinned, "Looks like the soon to be newlyweds are going to be getting some Afternoon Delight."

Rolling his eyes, "Glad to know someone's getting some this weekend. Rather it be me though."

Garcia chuckle, "Aw, don't worry my little lamb chop, you wont be lonely this weekend."

Kevin grinned, "Really? You mean it?"

Garcia got off the bed, walking over to Kevin and grabbing his collar, "How's this for really?"

Garcia pulled Kevin into a deep kiss, nipping his lower lip and sliding her tongue in his mouth battling him for dominance as he grasped her hips walking them backwards towards the bed. The sound of the Chris Isaak song blaring through the wall.

_'I've never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you. I'd never dream that I'd lose somebody like you. Now I... don't want to fall in love, no I don't want to fall in love, with you...'_

"God I love this song" Garcia said as Kevin's mouth went to her neck, nipping the flesh.

"Mm hmm" Kevin said, but when they heard the sound next door to them he stopped to look at her, "OMG, they're so loud."

Garcia giggled, "That's my girl, JJ. She always goes after what she wants."

The sound of the headboard hitting the wall, as the couple grunted out in passion made Kevin advert his eyes to the bed spread.

"Wow" Kevin said, "The way they're going at it, you'd think they were acting like they'd never get to do this again."

Rolling her eyes, "They're just excited about the engagement" Garcia said, "Well I guess we're not going to be getting any yet, so do you want to do something? Go down to the lake?"

Sighing as he lifted himself off the bed, "I guess."

The two heard a knock on their bedroom door, and Kevin turned to Garcia, "Guess it's a good thing we weren't doing anything."

"Yet" Garcia said raising an eyebrow to him, but both eyebrows raised when she seen them at the door.

"Hey guys, Will wants to go down to the lake" JJ said, "You want to come?"

The banging over the bed against the wall, caused JJ to grin as she looked over at Will, "Guess that's a no for them. Garcia?"

"Who's room is next to ours?" Garcia said looking from JJ to Will.

"Hotch and Emily's" JJ said biting her lip to keep from laughing, "Yeah I know they're kind of loud, that's why we're all getting out of the house. Plus I can't stand to listen to that song again."

"Again?" Garcia asked as she grabbed Kevin who seemed to be listening on the brunette couple.

"Oh yeah" JJ said shrugging, "The last case we traveled on, to California, they played that song every couple of hours."

"Hours?" Kevin repeated.

"Yep" JJ said, "As much as I love that song, I can't listen to it again. Not after those two weeks in California."

_'What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you...'_

"Lets go" Garcia said, as the four hurry down the hall seeing them look at her puzzled, "What? As much as I love the Gumdrop and boss man, there are somethings that are just too private. Even for me."

"Huh" JJ said shaking her head at Will as the left the hall.

The bedroom door opened, and Emily's head popped out, turning around to Hotch who was sitting on the bed smirking at her.

"Told you it would work" Emily said biting her lip as she wandered over to him, "And now we're finally alone."

"Yes we are" Hotch said kissing her lip, "Now lets put that song back on for real, it just feels wrong to use it that way."

Emily chuckled as he hit replay while pulling her down on top of him, as the song started again.

_'The world was on fire, no one can save me but you. Strange what desire will make foolish people do. I'd never dreamt that I'd meet somebody like you...'_

* * *

><p>Archilochus said, "The fox has many tricks, and the hedgehog only one, but that is the best of all."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>To Be Continued...<strong>

Well I hope you all enjoyed this, leave a review and let me know.


	6. A Beach Vacation

**One Heck Of A Vacation**

Disclaimer: CBS is the one true owner of Criminal Minds.

Summary: A little fun in the sun while on the beach shouldn't be so troubling, right? Not for our BAU gals...

A/N: Another one that had to be added to the "Vacation" series. Enjoy.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

><p>Robert Orben said, "A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in."<p>

* * *

><p>Emily, JJ and Garcia plop down on their beach blankets, soaking up the Virginia sun.<p>

"Look over there" Garcia said pointing out into the ocean "See who knew Hotch actually knew how to surf?"

"Sean taught him" Emily said thinking of her new brother-in-law "Told Aaron that if he was going to be on the beach, he should know how to surf."

"Dave's not fairing to well out on the board" Garcia teased her blonde friend who looked up from her magazine.

"That's because my husband is practically a dinosaur" JJ joked "But in all honesty as long as he's still above water, and breathing who cares? He looks great in the swim shorts."

"Only you'd think that" Emily said shuddering "He's like a dad to me."

"Then gawk at your own man" JJ teased looking over at her two friends "Where are our tag along friends?"

"Morgan, Reid and Kevin went out to rent some jet skis." Garcia said "I don't care how much I love those guys I'm not risking my neck on amateur drivers."

Emily smirked as JJ shook her head at the blonde technical analyst.

"Who are watching the junior G-men?" Garcia asked thinking of her two favorite little guys.

"Jessica took Jack to visit her parents for the weekend" Emily said applying suntan lotion and passing it to JJ.

"Henry's with Mama Rossi." JJ said "She said that this will probably be her only chance to get a grandchild unless Dave hops to it."

Emily and JJ snickered and noticed a group of frisbee throwing men looking over at them.

"Look to your left, in 3, 2, now" Emily said causing the blondes to look.

"Of course" JJ muttered as the frisbee landed at their feet "Here come the three stooges."

Three young men stop in front of the three women and instantly perked up at the sight of the bikini clad trio.

"Well look" the dark-haired man said "If it isn't Charlies' Angels right here."

Emily rolled her eyes and plastered on a polite smile, "Excuse me?"

"Yes, gorgeous?" the blonde hair man said looking Emily up and down.

"Not to be rude" Emily said ignoring the look "But you're blocking our view."

"View?" the third and youngest man said "And what view would that be?"

"Of our husbands" JJ said mildly annoyed "And this is a public beach and I don't think drinking is permitted."

"We're not drunk" the brunette man said "We just have speech impediments."

"Oh my God" Garcia whispered exacerbated "You have got to be kidding me."

"What's that?" the blonde asked.

"You're blocking our view of our husbands out there" Emily repeated again "And we're not interested in any of you guys. So scamper along now."

"Here that Johnny?" the blonde tells the brunette man "Sweet Pea over here wants us to scamper along."

"I'm sure, she doesn't mean it" Johnny said "Besides Andy, I think blondie number one, here likes you."

"If you're referring to me" JJ said disgusted "I'm not interested in any of you."

"Sure" said the third man "Now why don't you three grab your things and come back with us to a house party."

Emily burst out laughing looking at her blonde friends "House party? This is not 1996."

JJ and Garcia exchanged smirks as Emily continued "Look, we already told you, we're married and not interested. Now beat it."

"Or what?" Johnny asked "What are those, so-called husbands going to do?"

"Arrest you" Hotch said behind the men, "Baby, can you hand me my badge?"

"Sure thing, sweetie" Emily said getting up and walking over to Hotch as he took his badge "Aaron Hotchner, FBI."

JJ saw Dave walk up next to Hotch "What seems to be the problem here?"

"These three gentlemen were asking us if we wanted to leave with them..." JJ started to tell them.

The three men watch as JJ hand Dave his badge, "Didn't I tell you three girls to bring your badges in case of an emergency?"

"Well a badge doesn't really go with this outfit." Garcia said matter-of-factly.

"We'll remember next time" Emily said, while Hotch wrapped an arm around her pulling her into a kiss.

"What are you three still doing here?" Hotch said as he and Dave gave alpha male glares to the three drunk men.

"And by the way, this is a public beach" Dave called out as the men turn to leave "No open bottles."

Hotch turned to the three women and looked at them.

"What?" Emily asked raising an eyebrow "This was so not our fault."

"Mm hmm" Dave said eyeing his blonde bride, JJ.

"We were the injured party" JJ defended "Well could've been."

"Dressed like that..." Dave muttered to Hotch "It's a wondered how there aren't more men after them."

"The days still young and so am I" Garcia said smirking to the two couples as she sat back in her beach chair "Now move over, you're blocking my sun."

Emily and JJ snickered as Hotch and Dave shook their heads and sat down next to the girls.

* * *

><p>"No man needs a vacation so much as the person has just had one." Elbert Hubbard<p>

* * *

><p><strong>To Be Continued... <strong>

See the comment box below, all by its lonesome over there? Give it a little love.


	7. Unexpected Island Surprise

**One Heck Of A Vacation **

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, not me.

Summary: While on vacation Hotch and Emily run into Haley and her latest boy toy.

A/N: This one originally was a stand alone but I decided to add it to the "Vacation" series.

So obviously this is alternate universe, since Haley's still alive. Jack exists in this world too.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

><p>"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking." Earl Wilson<p>

* * *

><p>Emily walked out on to the patio, feeling the sun hit her ivory white skin.<p>

"Now this is paradise" Hotch said walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"This place is absolutely gorgeous" Emily said resting her head on Hotch's shoulder "I could stay like this forever."

"Now that sounds like a great idea" Hotch said chuckling in pleasure "Living in Bora Bora, just you, me and Jack."

Hotch pulled Emily close to him, "Come back inside. We could do that thing you like with the whip cream."

"Well I'm certainly glad you said that first" Emily said taking his hands on her stomach and rubbing his hands "I wouldn't want you to think that this entire trip was just an excuse to have mind blowing sex..."

"Oh really?" Hotch said raising his eyebrow and traced his fingers on her stomach "Who are you kidding?"

Emily starts laughing as he tickles her stomach, "Stop that."

"I can't help it." Hotch said tickling her again.

"Mm" Emily murmured as his tickling turned into caressed touches "Oh God, Aaron..."

"Yeah?" Hotch said said in a teasing tone, running his fingers up her ribs towards her breast.

"Oh my God!" Emily said "Aaron, stop it."

"Hm?" Hotch whispered his eyes closing as his hands wandered over her body that he already had memorized.

"She said stop." Haley said wandering out by the beach house.

"Haley?" Hotch said shocked beyond belief "Oh my God! What are you... what are you..." Hotch stammered out.

Emily elbowed him, and finished, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on a vacation." Haley said raising an eyebrow at them "I suppose it's fair to say you two are together?"

"Yep." Emily said folding her arms across her chest.

"How long have you two been together?" Haley asked "Since our... divorce?"

"Yes." Hotch replied "Aren't you going to ask how Jack is?"

"Sure." Haley said uncomfortable "How is he?"

"He's doing good." Hotch said giving her a look "He's on the soccer team, and despite being abandoned by his mother he seems well adjusted."

"Aaron..." Haley said warningly "Come on I told you that it was best that I wasn't involved in his life. I left Jack with you because I knew you can take care of him better than I could."

"Haley..." a man called out.

"Who's that?" Emily asked seeing a blonde haired man walk towards them.

"That's my boyfriend." Haley said kissing the blonde man.

"Hi, I'm Justin" Justin said making Hotch and Emily raised their eyebrows at the man.

"Justin, this is Emily Prentiss and Aaron Hotchner." Haley said introducing the three.

"Your ex husband?" Justin said chuckling "You're joking."

"No God is." Hotch muttered shaking the man's hand.

"Pleasure to meet you." Justin said "Haley says you're an FBI agent?"

"Yes, we're both profilers for the Behavioral Analysis Unit." Hotch said "And you are?"

"Law professor at UCLA." Justin said making Emily raise her eyebrow at that.

"Great." Emily said seeing Hotch tense up at the pair "How long have you two been together?"

"About three months." Haley said.

"And your guys just decided to head off to Bora Bora?" Hotch commented.

"Well, it was Haley's idea" Justin said, "She's wanted us to spend sometime together, saying how we never spend anytime together..."

"And how you're always busy working?" Hotch finished seeing the surprised look on both Justin and Haley's face and a look Emily shot him.

"Well," Justin said politely "We'll let you go, enjoy your vacation."

"You too." Emily said seeing Haley kiss Justin as the two descended.

"She's throwing him in my face," Hotch commented after the two left.

"What?" Emily said turning around to face him.

"A law professor?" Hotch said "Harping on him to spend time? That poor guy is destined to end up marrying her then having her leave him."

"What is wrong with you?" Emily asked raising her eyebrow "I get that she's Jack's mother and all, but you can't just go in and try to split them up..."

"Why not?" Hotch said "That man could very well be headed down a dark hole known as Haley Brooks."

"Jesus Aaron, drop it. You can't do this to yourself." Emily said leading him to a patio chair "I know Haley's infidelity and abandonment of you and Jack hurt like hell, I remembered it. But this... what you're thinking of doing is just flat out mean."

Hotch ran his hands through his hair and looked up at her, covering his mouth, "Oh my God. I'm really ranting like a crazy person?"

Nodding, "Aaron. Look at me, I love you. You don't have to worry about her anymore. You have Jack and me. And we love you."

Sighing Hotch pulled her into a tight embrace, "Is it really so bad to want to warn him?"

Emily laughed, "No, it's not so bad. But it is a little mean, now stop obsessing."

"Ok." Hotch said pulling Emily into a kiss "Now where were we?"

"Out here?" Emily said "You want to give the travelers a peepshow?"

"God no." Hotch said pulling her to their room.

Hotch sat out on the patio the next morning reading the newspaper.

"You can read Tahitian?" Emily asked looking over his shoulder.

"No but I can fake it." Hotch said reading the newspaper poorly causing Emily to laugh.

"What?" Hotch asked setting the paper down "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Emily said shaking her head "It's just nice to see you in a better mood than yesterday. See told you I could make you forget you were ever married to her."

Hotch smirked, "Yeah that usually doesn't happen without a prescription."

Emily laughed at that, "Aaron, it's good to see you relaxed again."

Hotch took one of Emily's hands, "I am so sorry about yesterday. I honestly don't know why I go so nuts when I get around her."

Patting his hand, "It's because of the way things ended with her, and you have this subconscious fear that she'll try and take Jack away from you even though she signed away her rights."

"You are such a wonderful influence on Jack." Hotch said kissing her hand, "You are a wonderful mother figure to him and I just need you to know how much I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you..."

Hotch pulled out of his chair, "Emily Prentiss..."

"Aaron what are you doing?" Emily began.

"You are the one woman in the whole world I that makes my heart feel complete" Hotch pulled out a black box "Will you marry me?"

Emily's eyes dropped to the ring in the box than to Hotch's face, "Are you asking me..."

"Marry me?" Hotch repeated.

Emily bit her lip then smiled, "Yes. Yes, Aaron yes."

Hotch placed the ring on her finger and pulled her into a big hug, "Thank you, thank you. I love you Emily."

Emily wrapped her arms around his neck pulling Hotch into a deep kiss, "I love you."

"Here we go again." Haley murmured from behind them "Didn't you two pay for a room."

"Oh God." Hotch muttered "I'd drive a stake through her heart, if I knew she had one."

Hotch and Emily pulled apart to see Haley and Justin walking hand and hand by their patio.

"Don't you have your own beach house?" Emily said raising an eyebrow at the blonde.

Haley looked at the two, "We're out enjoying the clean air and jading by the embrace you two were about to get close. If you'd like we could leave and come back in ten minutes..."

Emily glared at the blonde, while Hotch wrapped an arm around her.

"Easy, you're not licensed to carry a weapon here." Hotch whispered then added, "That won't be necessary."

"We apologize for interrupting a private moment." Justin said looking sincere.

"Aaron and I had this agreement that if either of us needed to speak to one another, no matter the circumstances." Haley said, "Can I speak to you?"

"Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of Emily." Hotch said, "We're getting married."

"Congratulations." Justin said.

"That's great" Haley said "Aaron? Justin and I are moving."

"Where to?" Hotch asked confused.

"Here." Haley said, "Justin wants to practice law here, and I like the change in atmosphere."

Both Hotch and Emily wore matching looks of shocks on their faces.

"You want to leave the states to live in Bora Bora?" Emily asked "Are you sure?"

"It's what we want." Haley said looking over at Justin.

"Ok." Hotch said shaking his head, "If that's what you really want, good luck."

"We better go." Haley said "Justin's meeting with some people to get us permanent residence down here."

The newly engaged couple watched Haley and Justin walk down the path hand in hand.

"Wish them good luck?" Emily looked over shocked "I hope I'm not out of line, but that has got to be one of the biggest mistakes, in the history of mistakes ever."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Hotch said "This has got to be the weirdest vacation ever."

Emily lifted her hand up to look at the ring, "Aside from the Haley/Justin thing, this wasn't the worst vacation I've ever been on."

"Oh yeah?" Hotch said taking her hand to lead her into the beach house "What could possibly top this?"

Emily smirked "Well there was this one time on Spring Break where I went to Cancun..."

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><p>Mason Cooley said, "Vacations prove that a life of pleasure is overrated."<p>

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><p><strong>The End <strong>

Hope you all enjoyed the unconnected series of vacation oneshots. Leave a review.


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